Go with the flow

Twenty-four people, six families of four arrive at a hotel over a two hour period; before the arrival of the next group, the party that has already arrived congregates in the foyer. You might think this is a tour group, but it is not. You might think they are travelling separately, but they are not. They are not even the same family, yet they are closer than most families truly are. 

This is the my family’s “gang” of friends — it has been the same since I can remember. My parents have an unusually special group of friends; the “gang” spends time together every year, regardless of geographic boundaries, logistical complexities, or a paucity of time. Moving to the UK allowed me to realise the unique, precious dynamic of this group, which had been - and always will be - a large part of my life. 

I was curious. If this group had so much fun together that we couldn’t imagine going on a holiday without each other, why didn’t more people have friend groups like this? What was stopping them? On a recent trip, I posed the question to some of my parents’ friends: “Why do you think groups like this are so rare?”

They responded in similar fashion — there may well be some truth in that age old adage “birds of the same feather flock together”. They each felt that the group was willing to “go with the flow”, and nobody attempted to unilaterally drive the agenda; simply put, people were flexible.

This is rare, because people (me included) love doing exactly what they want to do: siblings bicker over which show to play on Netflix, and friends debate which restaurant they should go to. In the process, people miss out on what they actually wanted. The goal was to spend quality time with one another, whilst engaging in a fun, entertaining activity.

I first tried going with the flow in Summer 2018. I spent three weeks at Columbia University, and in my free time, I tagged along with my roommate and a friend of his. I was walking blind, following and not leading, and I had some of the most fun I have ever had in my life!

That is not to say you should never drive the agenda. I believe it is important to stand up where it counts. Stand up for ideas, values, beliefs, colleagues, friends, family, and yourself. It is also important to lead and to carry your share (if not more). But, when someone else is taking charge, and one doesn’t really have a problem with the direction they are heading in, one must learn to go with the flow and be a passenger.

I think the same principles apply when investing in companies; although it may be tempting to get management to do what you want, it is far better to identify managements with expertise in the relevant field who have a value system you can back, and let them execute their strategy. Don't try to influence every management decision. Don't react to every management decision. Asses the big picture and if you like the overall direction they are heading in, "go with the flow".